We All Have Our Own Story

I've been thinking a lot about perspective lately.

It started with a conversation during a girls' night, and for some reason, it has stayed with me. Have you ever thought that someone has a better relationship with a certain person than you do? Maybe you look at their relationship and think, They understand each other better. They're closer. They probably see each other differently than they see me.

But then you find out that the other person actually looks at your relationship and thinks the exact same thing.

And it made me realize something: we all have our own narrative.

We all have our own version of how things happened, how people treated us, how relationships felt, and what certain moments meant to us. And that doesn't necessarily mean that one person is right and the other person is wrong. Sometimes, we're just looking at the same thing through completely different eyes.

The Story We Carry

I've been thinking about this a lot when it comes to my own childhood. There are certain things I remember experiencing one way. I remember how I felt, what I thought was happening, or what I needed in those moments. But the parent I was experiencing those moments with may have seen the situation completely differently.

And as I've gotten older, I've realized that both perspectives can exist. My experience was real to me, and their experience was real to them.

That doesn't mean I need to blame anyone or decide who was right or wrong. I think sometimes we just don't realize how differently two people can experience the exact same moment.

And becoming a mom has made me think about this in a completely different way.

Now That I'm a Mom

I had this realization while talking about motherhood during that girls' night conversation. I've thought about moments from my childhood where I didn't necessarily feel heard, and I want to be clear: I'm not writing this to shame my parents.

They were young when they had me. They were figuring things out, just like I am now. I'm sure they were doing the best they knew how to do with the perspective and tools they had at the time.

But becoming a mom has made me reflect on those experiences differently. Because now I have my own little person standing in front of me with his own thoughts, feelings, and perspective.

And I'm realizing how easy it can be as a parent to think, But that's not what happened. That's not what I meant. You misunderstood.

And maybe sometimes that's true. But that doesn't mean my child's experience isn't real to him.

He may see something completely differently than I do, and I don't want to immediately correct his experience just because I see it differently. I want to listen. I want to understand. I want him to know that his feelings matter to me, that I hear him, and that I'm willing to listen to his side of the story.

He doesn't have to experience something exactly the way I do for me to care about how it felt to him.

I'm Still Learning

I think this is one of the unexpected ways motherhood has changed me. It's made me look backward while also making me think about how I want to move forward.

I'm able to look at my own childhood with a little more understanding now. And at the same time, I'm thinking about the kind of mom I want to be for my son.

I don't want to be a perfect mom. I don't think that's even possible. I just want to be a mom who listens, a mom who tries to understand, and a mom who can pause and think, Okay, this is how I see it... but how does he see it?

Because maybe that's the bigger lesson I've been learning about perspective:

We don't all have to agree on what happened for someone's experience to be valid.

Sometimes we simply have different lenses, different memories, different emotions, and different stories.

And maybe part of growing up is learning to hold space for our own story while also becoming curious about someone else's.

I know I'll continue learning this as I raise my son. And if there's one thing I hope he always knows, it's this:

I will listen to you.

I will try to understand you.

And even when I see things differently, I will never want you to feel like your voice doesn't matter.